Malchik Gay
by Sakaki's Little Sis1
Summary: Hiroshi, before a gig, decides to tell Shuichi his true feelings about him. How will Shuichi take it? Not a ShuichiHiroshi fic. More one sided on Hiro's part. But has a good ending so R&R plz
1. Default Chapter

Title: Malchik Gay  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Genre: General  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. I don't own the song 'Malchik Gray', it is owned by t.A.T.u.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ Hiroshi's POV  
  
~Handsome,  
  
Tender,  
  
Soft,  
  
Why do you look right through me,  
  
thinking  
  
'no'~  
  
To me it doesn't seem fair. I was there for you all of these years. I was your best buddy Shuichi and now you turn around and go with some other guy. Eiri Yuki may be so popular, very rich, and all of that but I, Hiroshi Nakano, am part of you. Best buddies until the end? You remember that? I know that you do Shuichi Shindou! I know that it may have not shown all of these years but I really love you so much more than just a simple friend that I'm in a band with. Or more than an brother. I wanted to love you. I'm in love with you. I don't want you to go off to Yuki anymore. Why don't you come to me? I never said it before but I do love you.  
  
I really do. Why can't you see that? Are you to blind to see that deep inside there's something more between us than just friends? Can't you see the pain in my eyes every time you say Yuki's name? The feelings in me are so mixed up every single time you say you love him. That you're going over to his house. It's like: Why didn't you ever come over to my house? I know that I didn't say that I love you but it should have been so obvious by now. I know that you aren't dumb Shuichi. I know you aren't. That's why...that's why I have to tell you tonight as I sit in the dressing room with the fans screaming outside. Before we go on I will tell you.  
  
Hopefully you'll say you love me too.  
  
~ I can't deny my feelings,  
  
Growing strong,  
  
I try to keep believing,  
  
dreaming on,  
  
And every time I see you,  
  
I crave more,  
  
I want to pull you closer,  
  
Closer,  
  
Closer,  
  
Closer,  
  
but you leave me feeling frozen~  
  
You look over at me with that big grin of yours. It's so nice to see you smile. But I know that it's not for me, it's because you know that Yuki is going to be here tonight, and going to see you after the show. What about me? Why can't we do something after the show?  
  
"So? You ready Hiro?" Shuichi asks me with a smile. I look up at him with a grim look, he walks over to me. "Ummm...you okay?"  
  
"I-I have something to tell you..." I reply in almost a whisper.  
  
Shuichi looks weirdly at me. He puts his hands in his pockets. "Yeah? What is it? We're going on in about five minutes so-"  
  
"That's what I'm talking about!" I shout at him.  
  
He jumps back, surprised at my outburst. I stood up angrily even though I knew that I could get my point across without yelling at him. But I felt that I had too. To show how I really felt inside.  
  
Know how much pain I've been going through all of the times he goes over to Yuki's. Knowing their sleeping together.  
  
"You never have enough time for me! Make enough time Shuichi!" I yelled.  
  
"Calm down, Hiro! It's okay."  
  
"It's what I'm talking about! Haven't you ever noticed! You can't tell me that you have never noticed!" I shouted, thinking he would know what I was saying. Even though he didn't have the slightest clue Shuichi took it all in. I kept on going. "It's never us! It's always you and Yuki! And you never notice when I'm angry?!"  
  
"Why are you angry? What the hell are you talking about?" asked the eighteen year old, he was getting frustrated.  
  
"Th-That I......umm..." I couldn't get it out.  
  
~Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
I can be all you need,  
  
Won't you please stay with me?  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Apologies, might have been's,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay  
  
Can't erase what I feel,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay~  
  
"What?" urged on Shuichi.  
  
I said as fast as I could "I love you more than a friend or a brother Shuichi!"  
  
His eyes had a certain softness to them after he realized what I said. He seemed happy that I finally said it. What would he say? That's what scared me the most. If he said that he didn't have the same feeling...my heart would break in half. Peices. Ripping me apart from my head to my toes. If he said that he felt the same then I would be so happy. It would be like pure heaven. Though, I doubt he would say it.  
  
Please, say it, please. Please. I wanted him to say it so badly. I prayed for it to come. Shuichi gave me a firm hug and said what I didn't want to hear.  
  
"I'm sorry, Hiro, I don't think of you that way," He replied.  
  
He could feel me loose my grip on him. I felt weary. Left out in the cold.  
  
"I think of you more than that," Shuichi added, letting me go. I looked confused at him.  
  
~Choking back emotion,  
  
I try to keep on hoping for a way,  
  
A reason for us both to come in,  
  
Close,  
  
I long for you to hold me like your boyfriend does,  
  
and though my dream is slowly fading,  
  
I want to be the object,  
  
object,  
  
object,  
  
object,  
  
of your passion but it's hopeless~  
  
"Let me explain," my friend said to me. He put a hand on my shoulder and explained "See...ummm...we've known eachother for our whole life. I love you like a brother. That's how much I love you. It's more than how much I love Yuki or anyone else that I know. So it's like our own little relationship. And if you just wanted to spend more time with me than you should have just said so Hiro! I would love to spend time with you. I'm sure Yuki is tired of me hanging around him all the time."  
  
So...I guess that's good.  
  
"Ummm...now it's your turn to say something," said Shuichi nervously, as I picked up my guitar.  
  
"Let's rock," I replied with a smile.  
  
~ Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
I can be all you need,  
  
Won't you please stay with me?  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Apologies, might have been's,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Can't erase what I feel,  
  
Malchik Gay,  
  
Malchik Gay~  
  
Well, if that's good enough for Shuichi, then it's good enough for me too. I don't want to rush anything. If Yuki and Shuichi ever break up I'll be there for him. As a brother. Who knows, maybe we could be together. One day.  
  
So our band went on to rock that night and we spent the night partying at my house. It was the best night for me. Ever.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!! PLEASE!!! 


	2. Because someone wanted 2, here it is

Well, someone asked for it in email, another chapter. ^_^ This song is owned by Pink so I don't own it.  
  
(Hiro POV) ((PG-13 now for Swearing))  
  
Playing guitar with the audience of screaming girls, I saw my rival in the backround. Eiri Yuki. The rival in my mind for dear Shuichi. I...I knew what Shuichi had said that our relationship was better than Yuki's or anyone else's but it wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to just spend time with him watching movies even if that was romantic. Because it wasn't the way that Shuichi would think about it. I wanted to be the one to love Shuichi. To comfort him on rough times. It wasn't me that he came too. One out of a hundred times he would come to me but it was always Yuki. I began to slow down on my rythym's as it consumed my thoughts. Suguru hissed at me to get it going so I brought it back up to game. I was in no condition to play.  
  
My feelings were over riding my thinking about playing my greatest. Hiroshi. Hiroshi! You have to concentrate. I kept running this through my mind. This was a great gig and if you mess it up you know that Shuichi, Sakano, and Suguru are just going to be ticked off at you for it. It was actually most likely Shuichi to mess up but tonight he was on one of his highest levels. Probably because he wanted to impress that Eiri Yuki. Why?! Why couldn't he just leave Shuichi alone, he had enough fan girls to survive him his whole life, and he just strung my absolute best buddy around like a toy. Saying I love you one minute and then stabbing him in the back like noyone else in his life had done. Saying that he hated him. Dispised him. And Shuichi still loves him! I can't believe that he would still love him like that, so much, after all of that crap that he's put him through.  
  
What do I have to do to get that kind of attention from you Shuichi?!? I don't understand. Shuichi, as I look as your baby like face singing it's heart out, I know what I have to do. I have to say it now. So you know how much I do love you. I really do. I do. Maybe this will make you realize it. I don't care if it's in the middle of the fucking song! I will do this!  
  
~Some people like the summer hot some people like the winter cold,  
  
Some people spit at their momma's when they wanna',  
  
Some other people ain't so bold,  
  
Whatever it is you do you should do, you should do with your head held high~  
  
At first it crossed my mind not to declare it in front of everyone but when I saw Yuki look at Shuichi with those bedroom eyes I was frustrated. I....I want Shuichi. Just once. I want him to be my boyfriend. Yuki was in my way.  
  
I dropped my guitar. All eyes went on me. My thick brown hair covered my eyes as I calmly walked over to Shuichi who raised an eyebrow. He asked me if I was okay but I didn't reply. I looked at him with eyes that pleaded with his heart to let me do whatever I was about to do. My arm went around Shuichi's neck, I held him close, then grabbed the microphone from his hand. The whole crowd gasped as I held it up to my mouth.  
  
"Eiri Yuki-san!" I shouted, a bit of anger in my voice. As eyes stared at me I became to reality of what I was doing. "I....I...."  
  
Eiri looked at me with his eyes questioning my intentions. Shuichi looked up at me with those chibi eyes to why I had just yelled Yuki's name.  
  
"S..huic..hi..." I said dryly. I dropped the mic which made people cover ears as the screech of it hitting the wooden stage in an instant. I ran out. I was scared. I was scared of what Yuki would do, and more importantly...  
  
My mind flashed back to that cute look of Shuichi smiling at me.  
  
More importantly...was his opinion.  
  
~So when you doing your thing it's because you want it and noyone can ask you why  
  
I say:  
  
Do what you do,  
  
Say what you say,  
  
Mean what you mean when you say, cause,  
  
It's your life,  
  
Gotta make your own rules,  
  
And you got to do it your way,~  
  
My mind raced as I found the dressing room that Shuichi and I had talked in earlier and slammed the door shut. My shaking body sat down in the soft chair in front of my mirror. What the hell had I been thinking?! That was no way to win Shuichi over. Maybe I should just quit. I can't make him love me no matter what I do. If he loves Yuki than I can't get in the way. If he's happy then that's all that should matter. Shuichi already said no to me so why can't I let it go? Why can't I get on in my life? I'm sure that everyone out there is wondering what I was thinking. To tell the truth, I had no idea what I was thinking, or even doing.  
  
My emotions took over my actions. To tell Shuichi again I love him wouldn't help. He'd just reject me again. Pain in my heart was what I had in me right now, this thing in my chest didn't want to let go of what I felt for Shuichi. If I had a brain in my skull I should realize by now that my Shuichi loves some other person and it's not me. That's what hurts. It's not me. But...sometimes....love hurts. It hurts to see someone you love with someone else. Am I possibly being selfish in trying to get between Yuki and Shuichi? I've already came to the fact I'm jealous. Jealous of that stupid romance novelist who uses Shuichi.  
  
It made me so damn angry to know that Yuki might dump him again! He always comes to me crying that he still loves him, that he can't go on without Yuki in his life, but what about me? That's the question I want answered. What about me? Is there any room for me anymore? Am I just seconds after Yuki dumps you in the ditch Shuichi? I can't bear it anymore. Stop playing him Yuki. It hurts me too! I can't stand to see him cry. Please...it's tormented us both. You too Yuki. But I want him dumped. So he'll come to me again. Let me hold him while he cries on my shoulder. And I can say to give up on your ass and come with me. See how you take it. To be dumped for once. But I couldn't keep all of these emotions kept inside of me forever.  
  
A knock on the door. My head lifts up. Shuichi and Yuki.  
  
~I say:  
  
Do what you do,  
  
Say what you say,  
  
Mean what you mean when you say, cause,  
  
It's your life,  
  
Gotta make your own rules,  
  
And you got to do it your way,  
  
Oh, oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,~  
  
"What the hell's your problem? What were you trying to pull out there?" asked Yuki in his rough tone. I stood up, my hands shaking in anger, just seeing him mad me want to punch him to the ground then hit him over the head with the chair. "Good thing that was your last song. Because everyone's leaving. Atleast you didn't mess everything up to badly."  
  
"Shutup!" I shouted. I punched him to the ground behind Shuichi's gasp. "I don't want to deal with your bullshit anymore!"  
  
"Hiro! Stop!" Shuichi begged with me as he grabbed my arm. "This isn't a way to show that you love me. Stop it! If you love me then don't hit him! Hold it back!"  
  
"But-"  
  
Tears fell down his face. "Hiro..."  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Yuki as he stood up. I pulled my arm away from Shuichi. "Love? Who? You two? Shuichi, you aren't cheating on me, are you?"  
  
Shuichi said, sobbing, "No, I'm not."  
  
"Not like you aren't cheating on him!" I screamed at him. "Do you know how much that hurts him! You make me sick! You don't care about Shuichi at all you idiot! It's just sex to you! That's all it is! Do you know how many times he's come to me to cry!? What about all of the other sluts you have! You treat him like he's a slab of meat!"  
  
"You don't know what you're talking about," Yuki replied to me. I calmed down.  
  
An awkward silence came over us besides Shuichi still crying form us fighting. What did he mean?! I just spoke the truth. That's what I wanted to say all of this time.  
  
"I love Shuichi. He's more than all of those girls combined."  
  
~Some people like it easy,  
  
Some like it rough but noyone's got to like it but you,  
  
Girl-Girl, Boy-Boy, Girl-boy, Boy-Girl,  
  
Whatever you do you should do,  
  
How can they say you could have should,  
  
Well ask em' to walk in your shoes,  
  
Cause' it's your life and you do what you want to,  
  
And baby remember it's all about you~  
  
"That makes two of us," I replied with a smile. "I said my feelings. I did it with my head held high. If I want to say something I will say it. But..." I looked at Shuichi "Shuichi, I'm sorry. I-I lost my temper."  
  
"Hiroshi!" Shuichi squealed out, hugging me. I hugged him back while Yuki and I stood in shock. He sobbed and said "I-I-I (sob) can't choose between you and Y-Yuki! It's to hard to do! It's not fair! I love you both so much! In different ways! You as a best friend and Yuki as my boyfriend! Please don't make me choose! I don't want to loose either of you."  
  
I looked down at him. Those tears were because of Yuki and I fighting. Guilt over flooded me as my eyes softened at his crying. I hugged him tighter as I felt warmth through his body. Yuki stood there with an actual smile.  
  
"I wouldn't make you choose," said Yuki. He shot a look at me.  
  
"Neither would I," I added, catching his drift. "So stop crying. Okay? I'm sorry four ruining the concert just to yell at Yuki and make you cry. That wasn't my intention."  
  
Yuki set a hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you two go out for a while? I'll be home Shuichi. See you later."  
  
Shuichi smiled and waved. I sighed. That was it. No Shuichi and me. But...maybe this time with him would be good for us to patch up tonight. Or put it behind us. Those feelings for him will never subside though. I said what I wanted. With my head held high and without any regrets besides making Shuichi crying. But I know one thing that my friend here also knows.  
  
~Is say:  
  
Do what you do,  
  
Say what you say,  
  
Mean what you mean when you say, cause,  
  
It's your life,  
  
Gotta make your own rules,  
  
And you got to do it your way,  
  
If you want it done then you should get it done,  
  
And do it your way~  
  
I will never leave your side. Never.  
  
~~~~~~~~  
  
I hope you guys liked it. If someone requests it I'll do another chapter. Just for them. Don't forget to review! ^-~ Ja ne.  
  
Review. 


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